week 31
i'm not going to talk about space in this one at all, but i heard that one of the astronauts recites Gil Scott-Heron's Whitey on the Moon to himself often. completely unrelated okay thx
happy Passover! i guess it was Passover last week already but i went to my family Seder this past week. it was fun; i made a dessert and there were only a couple hijinks along the way (leaky springform pan and then i forgot to grease replacement pan) and everyone liked it. well, my evil and cruel beloved coeval doesn’t like orange and it was orange flavored. i’d like to host a Seder one day. maybe in my 30s. i guess could randomly host one tomorrow if i want to check that off before my 30s. i want to say, “let’s be realistic” but i think i could actually because i think i can do virtually anything so i should be more positive with my rhetorical choices or whatever. so i will say instead that i am responsibly choosing not to try to host a long, ritual meal on a day’s notice on a whim.
there’s a lot of things i really neeeeeed to get moving on. ReFringe is in less than six weeks. my GRE is coming up. it’s going to be my anniversary in a couple of monthssssssssss. it seemed like i had all this time and now there’s not, which is how time works, but i’m somehow always caught unawares. maybe i can change that. i’ve made a lot of progress on my “new life” plan. my new year’s resolutions that i promised MIGHT be posted this month. and then once i start my new life, i’ll always be on time.
let me say more about Passover. we foresaw drama and tension, but there wasn’t any. i mean, my father may have overheard me being critical when i thought my parents were out of the room. i was telling Siblings Et al. that i harbor some resentment toward family members that voted for the current president. my life was on track and he cut research funding and i lost my job right after buying a house and right before getting married and now i am making less than i got from unemployment, despite working 30+ hours/week. i’d probably have a baby right now if things were different. i’ll probably have a baby in my 30s, but now i’ll never have one in my 20s. it’s dumb to think about it this way because we live in a blue state so no one’s vote did that and anyway, there’s like no difference between 29 and 32 or 33 or whenever. maybe it’s good actually, because it’s more time to grow as a person. maybe i should become religious and believe that g*d will grant me a child at the perfect time. but and so anyway, idrc that my dad maybe overheard. i wouldn’t bring it up or really want to discuss it with the family members in question because i think it would be unpleasant and unproductive, but they can know how i feel.
my job is basically fine and like i’ve said, i am so lucky and privileged so that’s the caveat. but! the other day, someone came in with a very bloody ear and asked for an ambulance to be called because he said he got jumped. he was walking and talking and the ambulance got to him, but it does give me pause about walking home in the middle of the night if this is the place someone might wander into after getting jumped?? and like also, i’m pretty idk credulous? when i was closing that night, a man was trying to talk to me through the window and i opened the door to find out what he wanted and he was trying to find out about the bus route or something. he said to me though that it was very kind of me to open the door to try to help, but not to open the door in the middle of the night like that.
oh also! i’ve thought more about my weird way of talking with the caveats. i’m like not good at dealing with being interrupted, and i guess it’s a subconscious way of trying to head off misunderstandings if i get interrupted before being able to finish my thought. relatedly, it’s so much easier for me to articulate my thoughts in writing. my gorgeous perfect coeval thinks this newsletter is not so much self-indulgent navel-gazing as it is an (the only?) avenue for me to make myself known.
moving on. my beautiful coeval and i watched a few of the Hunger Games movies because i watched some bits of them at work and one night HAD to watch the prequel at 1am and he indulged me, so we’ve been watching more of them instead of sleeping. this worked when he had spring break from his main job but it’s a problem now. boohoo. “sleep is important”. but they are so watchable even though they’re obviously not suuuuuuuper amazing. he got all the audiobooks and has been listening, also, and he says it’s basically the same for the audiobooks.
idc what else to say. this one kind of bummed me out so i want to just post it. next week i’ll talk about how i’m somehow my perfect flawless coeval’s final form. okay. send post.
Day 1 (of this week): i forgot to pick a song
Day 2: i forgot to pick a song
Day 3: i forgot to pick a song
Day 4: i forgot to pick a song
Day 5: You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon
Day 6: Northern Downpour by Panic! at the Disco
Day 7: You Want it Darker by Leonard Cohen
I’m Reading: Beloved by Toni Morrison (with an introduction by Honorée Fanonne Jeffers)
not only technically
I’m Watching: Hunger Games movies
I made/ate: gefilte fish my beloved, matzah, this cake, deviled eggs, amaaaaaazing chicken and waffles wraps and french fries, chicken adobo with barley
Here’s how happy I am: 6/10
weekly monthly check in: am i okay?
here’s some things i want to do before i turn thirty (maybe!!):
dye my hair blonde
read Portnoy’s Complaint
read Infinite Jest
read Man’s Search for Meaning
get a nose ring
cook at least two recipes in Russian
see the Milky Way ✓
see the Northern Lights ✓
ride a flamingo paddle boat
get abs
visit SIL ✓
visit everyone
here’s some things i want to do ever
see whales
do the Barklay Marathons
hike the Camino de Santiago
learn to fish, take care of clothes, go camping, bake, cook, sew, speak a third language with a third alphabet, get a PhD, garden, make fruit preserves, make all manner of pickles, hunt for mushrooms and recognize which ones would kill me, knit, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.